I’m MENTALLY VURNURABLE but IM SCARED to TRUST OTHER with TALKING and SHARING
The story from Experience of someone who have the scars that healed with self motivation and self therapy with hope and persistence
I think everybody will get this kind of phase in their life conciously or unconciously, to feel helpless with all the things happening to their life and don’t event know what to do and how to react in that condition, no friend to trust, no shoulder to lean, and no branch to grasp just a life full of confusing moment and unnecessary overthinking and over worried.
NOW WHAT YOU DO IS !!!
Keep Calm, Take a Breath and relax your mind ok
Let me repeat it again
Keep Calm, Take a Breath and relax your mind ok
One more time
Keep Calm, Take a Breath and relax your mind ok
You know that you’re in deep shit and don’t know how to untangle all of this problem right ?
Where to start, how to do it and how to make it right.
First step you need to do is ? HONEST WITH YOUR SELF
admit all the mistake HONESTLY and then mediate yourself and try to reflect that happens with all of that.
When you’re able to admit all the mistake you do in your life. without blaming others people with all your bad deeds and mistake, then youre one step closer to untangle all of your problems.
Why ? because you know which one is your mistake and which kind of behavior or problems need to be reflected and repaired. Also you need to let it go, all the mistake , all the guilt, and all the bad and negativity.
USUALLY
People who get trust issue and mental issue is someone who divert all of their focus. and then they run from their own responsibility without trying to correct it again or learn from that mistake and try to make it right.
So they neglect all aspect related to that problem. And then the problem was still there, it never gone, its become a seed that being planted in your life become a roots that will untangled you in these bad moments and when the times come they will become a trauma that you need to overcome later.
Maybe it will be good to run if you think you can handle it now, but you will not be able to make it a good learning opportunity to step up and level up your live. So you will doing something , the other things that gone in most different way than you do now, which is something completely new, cause you feel this one is not good for you for now. So you will turn on a new life. Its ok you can do it now, but still keep journaling with what happens , what is the mistake, and how to overcome it, so when the times come for you to overcome it you will be able to dealt it much more easily and systimaticaly.
And now when you’re BRAVE and COURAGE enough to deal with all of that, or maybe you’re being cornered by the situation and need to deal it as fast as possible, you can try to do it and push forward.
Pick the ISSUE in what make you scared ?
Pick the PROBLEM and try to describe it and ELABORATE IT
Now you know what is your problem right ?
LETS LEARN FROM MY CASE IF YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO IT
At that time that I was feeling this kind of mentally vurnureable things the things that make me scared and the things that make me feel overwhelmed was soo many.
1 — overworked with all the task and business I try to run
2 — I’m not fit enough to do it all by myself, and get sick easily
3 — I don’t feel excitement and appreciation by my self with all the things that I do, cause set the bar high and always feel lacking without reflecting in whatever I do.
4 — I always comparing my self with other people that really good at doing their works, without patiently working twice or thrice harder in JUST ONE ASPECT like they do so they able to become like that, and I’m also take them or view them as an enemy that I need to overcome, not a rival that I can share or communicate to learn from them.
5 — I was blinded by my superior ego that I can do anything and everything by my self, and I was much better than the other, I overestimate my self to the point of being overconfident without proof (its good to be confident but you need to back it up and when the loss coming try to learn not blaming or doing some nasty shit)
6 — I doing lot of things in the same time, cause I’m too overconfident with my multitasking ability so all the things that I do was never been excellent or become some expert in one things.
7 — I lack in communicating with other, and treat the other just as a stepping stone to keep leveling up to become a much better person, and its really bad things, I really bad in this case even by now I’m still working really hard to overcome this one, how to talk, and how to be able talking in good and comfortable way that make you close and the other feel closer to you.
8 — I seek some joy and pleasure to relieve my stress without doing other effort to back up my bad works or make up all the bad works with doing something or reflection.
9 — my inferiority complex was coming and overcame all the superior ego that make me confident, so I was gradually feel so small and don’t event have a shred of confident to do works.
10 — I become overwhelmed by the expectation of the other who see the potential in me, and I feel that I was a genius and that mentality make me crippled in my mind at that time, I really feel that I was all over the cloud and when the execution of my works was bad, the expectation of the other for me become the poison that make me feel much more smaler than before. So all the confidence that I have with all the self motivation I build up was ripped to the shred.
11 — I don’t want to go outside and refresh my mind to clear all these negativity and bad influence, I just try to reflect and repaired all the bad things and the bad works with extreme hard work without making report journals. That’s lead all of my motivation and energy drained. So the stress was pilled up right/
12 — when there others or my friends come, I just neglecting them and too much focused on my own without balancing my works and my health. That lead my mind to be soo full of works and things that don’t event need to be cleared.
13 — my personallia that I have was not in that world, I mean I think now I just know that I was an extrovert person that need to go outside and take some energy from other interaction with person, worth nature, with other being. But I forced my self to work inside the cage that I make by my own and restrict everything by myself cause feeling that every other thing is something unnecessary.
14 — and this is one of the other things that I really neglecting 2 of the biggest things I was so far from my own family especially my mother, I was neglecting them and try to be independent without care. I was so selfish and thinks that I was great and I was able to handle everything by my self without reporting or maybe comunicating with the family. And it leads me into thingking that family also become a burden of my self, even thought at that time family is the one that shackled me and make me feel that I was traped and never be able to fully expressing my self to soar into the sky and break the limit. But to the point of rebeling like that, I think, I was forcing my self too much with all of that.
15 — and this is one of the other things that I really neglecting 2 of the biggest things is I was so far from god, with all my faith and believe, I was feeling that god was unfair, that god was something that will help me, and I can do everything, cause human have all the posibility to make all of things happens. And this is maybe the hidayah that come to me, because im arrogant, im so full of my self and I was feeling too great. Allah was loving me, allah still give me grace, so I was given this feeling, the feeling of scared and anxiety. So i was able to seek help, seek the help to the one and the only one that will be able help me with everything happens in this world, cause there is notheing that allah swt cant do with all of the rahmat and iradat.
And with that case, with time, with all my persistent and constant effort everything is not coming good, but its getting bad and worsened every time. At that time I think I really need to reflect my self that this is the god scenario to give me something good to give me something better. To make me learn, to make me reflect on my own.
And all of that was coming with something that really help me try to figure or everything one by one.
WHEN YOU THINK THAT WHAT HUMAN DO IS LIMITLESS YOU WILL KNOW THAT ALL THE HUMAN EFFORT AND THINK WAS SO LIMITED, AND ALL OF THAT FEELING OF BEING LIMITLESS IS THE ILLUSION TO TRAP YOU INTO YOUR WORSE STATE.
CAUSE EVERYTHING NEED A GREATER BEING TO BE RELIED, AND THE GREATEST BEING FOR EVERYONE CANT BE SAME INITIALL, BUT EVENTALLY WITH HIDAYAH FROM ALLAH SWT EVERYTHING WHO OWN THE WHOLE WORLD AND UNIVERSE IS THE GREATEST THE ONE AND THE ONLY ONE ALLAH SWT
Maybe in this case there will be many others things that have different opinion, and its ok, cause faith and believe was coming from your own, from your core of your soul and nothing can force you to believe something that you cant feel and obligated to do it willingly.
NOW I already state all the things that was happened to me, and now the others things to do was try to solve it one by one, and applicate it to your life in much better and positive way, so you will become better. KEEP NOTE IT AND PLANT IT TO YOUR HEART WHEN YOU CHANGE OR TRYING TO CHANGE IT WILL TAKE TIME TO CHANGE AND HEALS, BE PATIENT AND LET THAT ANSWER OF YOUR PROBLEMS OR YOUR HIPOTESIS BECOME A GOOD HABITS THAT WILL CHANGE YOU.
ONE MORE TIME, EVERYTHING TAKES TIME AND LOT OF EFFORT, KEEP YOUR HOPE AND DO YOUR BEST TO LIVE AND EACH DAY WITH HOPE WITH THE POSSIBILITY AND IMAGINATION OF I WILL BECOME BETTER AND I WILL OVERCOME ALL OF THIS AND BECOME HAPPY.
That’s the hope and the POSITIVE MENTALITY that you need to nurture and believe, you need to hope for something right, you need to think that something good will coming, and it will come to you, keep trying hard, keep persisting, keep fighting, keep working on.
There will be some bad influence or some bad things or bad others things come to you, like a bad talking behind your back, bad relationship with some other one, or maybe other things, YOU JUST NEED TO DO AND TAKE ALL THE POSITIVITY just let go all the negativity just ignore all of the bad shit and all the bad talk that they do, and you will never think about all of that bad thing, lets all the negativity pass by and you will never think about that anymore/
Isn’t it be much better, you will be seen like someone who live in naivety ? you living a hypocrite live ? its ok it is just their opinion, what right they judge you like that, you live is your own, and youre the one who steer all the things in your life.
And now you will be able to try doing all the good things and all the things that will make it right hipotically, if you’re still having a kind of hesitation, try to ask help with someone who you trust, someone that will make you better and let them help you.
Even though its hard, its still something that you need to do, to open your hearts, to feel the pains, to feel the expressing moment of being fun, being happy and being great in all the life that you experience, let out your emotion and expressing it.
The one you can trust can be your family, can be your partner, can be your friends, can be your teacher it can be anyone that you trust. And don’t forget to always pray to god the highest being that everything will be alright , everything will become alright and the future will give me another things that great.
Everything still a step by step.
You can try to make your own step either in linear way or dynamic way, there is ton of things that will help you to get better, and what I do also some trial and error in doing my best to overcome it.
BUT THE THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO DO TO KEEP ALL THE RECORD IS MAKING YOUR JOURNALS AND KEEP IN CHECK IN WHAT YOU DO AND BEING DISCIPLINED IN TAKING NOTE OF THAT JOURNALS AND YOUR JOURNEY. CAUSE THAT’S JOURNALS, THAT WRITING AND NOTES WILL HELP YOU REALIZE THAT EVERY BAD THING IS NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINKS AND EVERY GREAT THINGS IS NOT JUST SOMETHING GRAND AND AMAZING, IT CAN BE SOMETHING SMALL AND SIMPLE, JUST LIKE SAYING THANKS WHEN YOU FEEL GRATEFUL AND SAYING SORRY WHEN YOU FEEL WRONG.